This is one of the questions asked by my patrons over on my Patreon page as part of the Character Q&A offer available to my upper tier patrons.
Question:
Have you guys been successful since ditching Bree? Did any of you actually make it across that bridge?
Answer:
Melric:
I don’t think I would characterize our departure as “ditching” Bree! We simply acted according to our carefully considered strategy by which we would appear to abandon our party’s rogue, when in fact we were…
Thorden:
What strategy?
Nimrol:
He means the “run away and not die” strategy.
Thorden:
Oh, yeah… That works great!
Melric:
No! I meant that we had every intention of coming back to rescue Bree… when the lizard men were least expecting it, but, unfortunately, other circumstances prevented the ultimate fruition of our plan.
Thorden:
Huh?
Nimrol:
He means we got lost.
Melric:
To put it bluntly, yes, we became disoriented, due, I believe to some sort of Misdirection spell cast by a high-level wizard or demi-lich. Otherwise our plan to rescue Bree would have certainly gone according to… plan.
Nimrol:
He means he spilled his drink on the map.
Melric:
Shut up, Nimrol! That was a potion of scrying!
Thorden:
You must drink a lot of potions of scrying.
Melric:
I need to see… stuff… Look, just forget about the map! Things happened, and no one is really to blame… except perhaps the demi-lich.
Thorden:
What demi-lich?
Nimrol:
I think he means the succubus.
Melric:
Shut up, Nimrol!
Thorden:
Oh, yeah, that was pretty funny!
Nimrol:
How many levels did she suck out of you Mel?
Melric:
She said she was a priestess, held captive by that owlbear!
Thorden:
I’m still tryin’ to figure out how an owlbear tied all those bondage knots.
Nimrol:
That was kinda weird, don’tcha think? I mean how could he have tied her up like that with just those big flipper hands?
Melric:
They were feathery appendages! It was perfectly reasonable to assume that the owlbear or one of its minions could have bound the priestess to the altar like that.
Thorden:
He didn’t have any minions.
Melric:
We did not know that at the time!
Thorden:
How do you think the owlbear met the succubus anyway?
Nimrol:
Maybe there’s some kinda Looking For Group service for the monsters, like for delvers. She’d be like, “I need someone scary-looking to stand around looking scary until some delvers show up and kill you, and then I can pretend you were gonna sacrifice me or something and then suck out their life levels.” And then the owlbear was all like, “Sweet! I’ma tie you up real good with my flipper hands!”
Thorden:
I don’t think I’d answer that ad.
Nimrol:
Yeah, but owlbears are pretty stupid, so maybe she got lucky.
Thorden:
She got lucky with Mel, that’s for sure.
Melric:
Shut up, Thorden!
Nimrol:
Hey, Mel, remember back when you could still cast Chain Laserbolts? That was pretty cool! How many levels do you gotta earn back before you can learn that one again?
Melric:
Shut up, Nimrol!
Thorden:
Didn’t they ask something about that bridge?
Melric:
What bridge?
Nimrol:
I think they’re talking about that glass bridge that Bree broke when she fell on it.
Melric:
There was no proof that that was Bree… and anyway, it wasn’t glass. It was Celestialite.
Thorden:
That’s not really a thing.
Melric:
It definitely is.
Thorden:
Dude, I’m a dwarf. I know rocks. There’s no such thing as Celestalite.
Melric:
Celestialite.
Thorden:
Celestiabullshit you mean.
Nimrol:
I’m pretty sure that was Bree.
Thorden:
How could you tell?
Nimrol:
Dude! Did you see her… uh, ears?
Melric:
Her ears?
Nimrol:
Uh… yeah… she has really pointy ears.
Thorden:
That’s not the part you were lookin’ at, Nim!
Nimrol:
Shut up, Thorden!
Melric:
In any case, we circumvented that particular obstacle.
Thorden:
What?
Nimrol:
He means we went around.
Thorden:
Oh, yeah, and that’s when those dragon guys caught us.
Melric:
Drakons
Thorden:
Yeah, dragons.
Melric:
Dra-kons with a “K”
Thorden:
That’s like the stupidest thing since celestalite!
Melric:
Celestialite.
Thorden:
Say that word one more time, Melric, I dare you!
Melric:
Ce-lest-i-a-lite.
Thorden:
Roll for initiative, motherfucker!
